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Once I actually got home, I was really excited to get back into things (music, especially), but wanted to do it relatively slowly, and I wanted to make sure that I was choosing wholesome media (if you're not quite sure what I mean, check out what the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet says about entertainment and music.), and I worried that it would be difficult.
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Because I was no longer used to secular entertainment, the first couple of things I watched/listened to were kind of a shock to my system (an extreme example happened when I watched my first movie. When I heard the score begin, literally right at the beginning of the movie, I shed tears. This huge wave of emotion just hit me... The movie was Frozen. Totally irrational.), but I as the shock subsided I realized that I had become more sensitive to how entertainment and media make me feel.
I remember sitting at work, probably mid-November, listening to a Radiohead station on Pandora. I was reading a book or something (I was working as a receptionist) and started to tune it out a little bit as I focused more on whatever it was I was doing. Something started to bring me out of that focus. I couldn't figure it out at first, but it didn't feel right. As I became more and more distracted by the feeling, I realized that it was my music. It was making me uncomfortable. I started listening to the lyrics to see if there was something I'd heard that was inappropriate but the longer I listened the more I realized that the lyrics were probably the least of the problem. The beat, the melody, the instrumentation... The combination of them all. I started to feel physically ill, and finally turned it off.
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I sat in silence for a few minutes, pondering what had just happened. I'd experienced it a couple of times before, but I hadn't let it get so far before. My sisters wanted me to watch an action movie week after I got home and I didn't last 5 minutes before leaving the room because of the feeling the violence gave me. This time I'd let it go further and it left me feeling sick to my stomach - all I could think was, "The Spirit is gone."
While this post has mostly been about my experience with finding uplifting media since being home, This absolutely applies to future missionaries, and anyone else for that matter! I plan on doing a series about finding good media, but wanted to preface it with this, because I want you all to remember that the Spirit is the greatest tool we have in our search for uplifting entertainment. He will tell you when it's not okay. I urge everyone reading this to heed those promptings. Follow those feelings! Don't let yourself build any walls against the Spirit - we become more in tune to his whispering when we follow his counsel. And oh boy do we need his help!
--Kira
Stay tuned for a series of posts on the uplifting entertainment that I have found, as well as how and where I've found it!
